Streams of Consciousness

1. Thank God for great girlfriends...I always feel that my girls are invaluable. But, when the bumps in the road come...i.e. ex's getting engaged...the great ones really shine. They step up, hunker down for the first slew of expletives when I'm angry, console me when I figure out I'm more hurt/sad than angry, validate me when they agree and keep it real when they don't, and give me the pep talk when its time to get moving again. Never underestimate the power and the strength of the sista-circle.

2. There are no coincidences...The other week, in the midst of the ex-bomb, I was still reeling a bit from the surprise. I was asked to help out at this community service activity...reading to kids and promoting literacy. Cool deal. Well, there was a fair amount of activity, but I really didn't have to much to do...so I read a few short books (Amelia Bedelia wasn't a favorite of mine...lol) and chilled. To make a long story short, I ended up chatting with a woman about the phenomenal film 'Souls of Black Girls' (http://www.soulsofblackgirls.com/) and the implications of absent fathers and positive reinforcement on the self-esteem and self-image of black girls and black women. Somehow, this convo transitioned into one about relationships, heartbreak, patience and release. We had never met before and she knew nothing of my recent news...but, in the middle of this great conversation she says...I don't know what it is for you right now, but you are going to be okay. Whatever happened yesterday is over. Let it go. Whoever he was, let him go. Yours is coming. I can feel it in my spirit...you will be just fine. It's time to let it go.... And I was speechless. Thanks for the messenger, God.

3. She was a great woman...A close friend of my mom's passed away the other week. She had battled ovarian cancer for some time. As I sat in the pew at her funeral, I felt the tears welling up...for her passing, for her husband and two sons, for the void that would exist in the lives of all those filling the church...including my mom. But, I think I was most overwhelmed by the wonderful way in which everyone spoke of her...not in that it's her funeral so everyone says something nice kinda way. But in the genuine, she had an awesome spirit, kind of way. I want to live my life in a way that when I'm gone, I will have made a difference in someone's life. That people and the world would have been better because I was here. Like Mrs. J. I learned a lot about her I didn't know from listening to her friends and family speak about her. She will be sorely missed by those of us here, but I can only imagine that God had the perfect spot for her...after all He wants the best one's to be with Him. We'll miss you.

4. I love black women...including myself. I love their strength, resilience, beauty, diversity, intelligence, capacity for love, faith, loyalty, ability to nurture...I love the way that black woman are not just capable of, but good at, taking care of others...children, friends, husbands, folks they don't even know...I love the way that black women just get it...no explanations needed...from one sista to another...they've been there and understand...man, black woman are truly phenomenal. And one day...the rest of the world will figure it out, too.

5. Strumming my pain with his fingers...singing my life with his words...killing me softly with his song...there's nothing like great lyrics. I am in love with great music. Lyricists who write songs like they're walking in my shoes hold a special place in my heart. Right now I'm still doing a little bit of flip-flopping over the ex (what else is new, right??). I'm somewhere in between Ms. Scott's My Love...

Yo...I'm tripping right...I heard you got married...You got married?... It don't really make any sense...but You know what this is, You know what it was...You chose her cause she's sweet as pie...Take what you give...even your lie...But baby,are you happy without me?... She scrubs your back,washes your clothes...Gives you everything that you ask for...But don't you ever want more?...

...and Chrisette Michele's Best of Me...

Saw you again at the parlor/Crossing the walk with your lady/I caught your eye from afar off/I know that she wore a ring/I found a smile against my will/Wish it was genuine/I put away my desire/No more "in love with you still"/Look I'm moving on, oh/Loved you, lost you/Thought I'd give you/All the best of me/We departed/Broken hearted/I need to be free/What we had was/Oh so lovely/I'll swallow my pain/Its my time to/Find the best of me/Can't be the time to be begging/Can't be the time to plead/My momma made me much wiser/What's mine will be just for me/I'm trying hard just to focus/I'm trying hard to sleep/Promise I'm glad you're happy/When its my time it will be/Look I'm moving on, oh oh oh/Loved you, lost you/Thought I'd give you/All the best of me/We departed/Broken hearted/I need to be free/What we had was/Oh so lovely/I'll swallow my pain/Its my time to/Find the best of me...

Chrisette's coming to town so hopefully, I'll catch the concert and not only sing the lyrics at the top of my lungs, but truly follow them...what we had was oh so lovely, I'll swallow my pain...it's my time to find the best of me...now THAT deserves a lighter in the air.