...I think I like him.
...I think I'm more nervous about finding a reason not to like him than I am about liking him.
...I'm not sure I know how to relinquish control.
...I'm restless at work.
...I sometimes think I missed out on the years where it was 'acceptable' to do irrational things.
...I'm nervous about what happens if Barack Obama doesn't win and if he does.
...I wonder if he still thinks about me...and if he's married yet.
...I wonder if I set the bar too high so that no one can reach it.
...I'd like to live in the Caribbean for a year.
...the nonchalance usually hides some emotion I haven't gotten to yet.
...I waste way too much time procrastinating.
...sometimes I think I romanticize life so much that real life doesn't always seem as exciting.
...I wonder how many men could be in a relationship without sex...and not cheat.
...casseroles with chicken and melted cheese are unappetizing to me...sorry, was watching Rachel Ray.
...I find myself more enamored with babies lately.
...if I ever have a daughter, I hope she gets all of my good stuff and less of my bad stuff.
...as much as I see myself being married...the thought that I won't find someone I would want to spend a lifetime with, scares me.
...I wonder how close I am to my purpose.
...I'm still working on mastering the moment.
...I don't know what I'm going to do with my hair.
...it keeps popping up in my dream...I wonder if that means anything.
...I could use a perfect kiss...a really good one would do too.
...I think that's enough honesty for now. I might need a nap. Nah...I'm going to watch Lincoln Heights instead.
bmorebaplife
8 years ago
2 comments:
...sometimes I think I romanticize life so much that real life doesn't always seem as exciting.
...as much as I see myself being married...the thought that I won't find someone I would want to spend a lifetime with, scares me.
naw, it's not just you...
i've been trying to figure out a way to explain the 'romanticizing' bullet point for a while now. you put it very nicely. i didn't think anyone understood what i meant when i tried telling them about how my fantasy adversely affects my reality. but after reading an article about how life is not a romantic movie, my friend emailed it to me saying that she couldn't help but to think about me. i guess she understood. it's hard to snap out of that isn't it?
as for the other bullet point.. sigh... it's on my mind when i wake up, when i go throughout my day, and when i go to bed. recently, i've been praying that God takes control my thoughts so these feelings won't haunt me. it's really difficult, especially after my engagement fell through. now i'm terrified that it will never happen.
j.a.c....it is definitely hard to snap out of...I think it's one of the side effects of a creative mind (at least that's what I tell myself). The ironic thing is that when I write, it's usually stemmed in reality. (I actually started writing a piece the other day about how sometimes God moves a reluctant us out of a situation/relationship in ways that we don't understand at the time - but we get later.) But, my day to day life is a running movie. It's crazy.
I'm sorry...that has to be difficult. When you think you've found it and it falls through, it makes you/me question your/my judgement and instinct. And that puts you/me on shaky standing to move forward. I'm sometimes not sure if I'm more afraid of loving someone strongly again (and it not working out)or not loving someone again at all.
So, what now? Your prayer sounds like a powerful one. I've also prayed...that my heart does not become hardened from past experience. I think I also need to pray that I don't allow fear to take root and prevent me from being open and loving freely. I don't want to miss the him that God has on his way because I'm so busy looking back.
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