Autopilot: Disengage

“You have to be ready at any moment, to give up who you are and what you are, for who you could be.”

My sister called me Sunday afternoon to tell me that she had realized that she had been living on autopilot…and that it was time for her to stop. She is already a phenomenal woman, according to her younger sister. :) But, she felt like she was just going through the motions of life and not stepping out in some of the directions that her spirit was pulling her. I completely understood. She and I have very similar spirits. We are very rational beings, enjoy being ‘in control’ of our lives and choices and do things in an orderly way. We also have very strong passions that exist and continue to pop up. We are dreamers. We want to help and inspire people and make a difference through our passions. And despite what we have been trained/schooled to do, we both recognize that our purposes may exist outside of the majors listed on our degrees.

My passions are mostly creative in nature. I love to write. I love photography. I love using both of them to connect with people. And to help and encourage people. When I write something and someone says…this is exactly what I was feeling…I thought it was just me…I feel more accomplished than I do in a 40 hr week at work. That’s something.

And I am doing these things now. Aside from my regular job, I am writing and doing increasingly more photography work. But perhaps, that is no longer enough. Perhaps, since I may not have stepped forward on my own, God is presenting opportunities to make me step forward anyway? I’ll be shooting my first wedding next month for a friend…because she needed me to. I never would’ve volunteered myself for something like that…lol. So, I’ve been studying and preparing so that I can do my best. Over the past few months, I’ve had some opportunities pop up that have allowed me to improve my skills. Earlier this week I was talking to a co-worker who said he can provide me with the post-processing tools I need and additional tools to improve my deliverables. This morning I ran into Krush Groove on the way into the building. We got to talking…come to find out, he’s been doing photography work for years. And it looks like he’s going to help me out with learning more about Photoshop. I don’t really believe in coincidences. These nudgings seem increasingly to be coming in these areas where my passions are. On top of the fact that I’m having to drag myself out of bed in the mornings to come to a job that is not at all bad. Not to mention that I seem to be more and more surrounded by people who are in similar positions, have similar drives and goals and are extremely supportive and encouraging. Coincidence? I think not.

I’m not even sure where my thought process is going as I write this. Perhaps just a stream of consciousness. Perhaps by putting it in writing, I’m making it more real. Perhaps I’m coming to terms with it all. Perhaps, like the quote (not sure who said it), I am measuring this idea of the willingness to give up the comfort of now for the possibility of a greater future.

I’m nervous and excited. Admittedly, this is a much better feeling much more than an everyday melancholy. This is good. This is good. This is good. (Say things three times when you want them to stick, right? :))