Brown Sugar Thursday Randomness

I'm shaky today. Emotionally shaky. I feel so back and forth with all of this. Somedays I'm cool. Moving along just fine, enjoying myself, keeping my mind free and clear. And other days it's just like...wham! Just dropping on my spirit. Last night/today is one of those times.

I don't understand. To have been told I'm 'wife material' so many times in my life, but to still not be one...hell, to not be a girlfriend. To have men grow with me and then receive wedding announcements, seemingly right after we break up (maybe a little more time in between, but still). As if my role is that of the husband-preparer. I'm tired of grooming every-damn-body else's husband. I don't get it. I've never considered myself a naive woman. For the most part, I think I can sense when folks are lying. And so, I don't understand how men can love one woman and marry another. Or love two women and marry one. Are they really happy that way? Are they truly THAT good at compartmentalizing their feelings? Are we as women just not capable of grasping it because we don't have that ability?

Look at the movie 'Brown Sugar'...that said it all. Dre (Taye Diggs) married Reese (Nicole Ari Parker) knowing good and damn well that he was truly in love with Syd (Sanaa Lathan). But, he figured he had been with Reese for awhile, she was a good woman, it was about that time, so why not? The bama got married. Now Syd did get engaged to Kelby (Boris Kodjoe) - only after Dre got married. However, it was clear that she was never going to be able to go through with it...and she didn't. Why? Because she knew that her heart was with Dre. She was really incapable of marrying this other man, no matter how good of a man he was, because we are not made like that. Men, on the other hand, can have the love of their life tell them that they're waiting, but they won't leave the Dre-Reese relationship that they're in because it may be too much of a risk. Seriously? Seriously? We're talking about a lifetime and they don't want to take the risk for true happiness. That's some punk shit. At least from this woman's perspective.

So, I could ask him...when did he fall in love with hip-hop and hope that he could and would say that he's been in love with me since the first day he saw me and can't see me not being the woman in his life for another day. But, I think I'd have to watch Brown Sugar in order to get the Dre-Syd reconciliation type of ending. Good thing I own the movie though, because reality's ending isn't quite as sweet.